- “your feelings are valid” was meant to be a reminder *for ourselves* that our emotions are morally neutral – it was supposed to be an internal tool, part of you making sense of your *inner world*. - instead, we’ve largely externalized the concept so that our feelings are “anchors of truth”, our pain is objective. because we are hurt, someone meant to hurt us. - this diminishes curiosity about your own emotional context. you don’t have to investigate why you feel one way or the other, because your “discomfort alone [is] proof of violation.” - leads to [[{3.3a} feelings yakuza]] – turning personal discomfort into a social evil.